This is a very special moment for me, here on Pachi's Portrait. For the first time ever, I have the golden opportunity to review a "most". An anime that is #1 on one of my personal attribute lists. That anime is called The Irregular at Magic High School, or Mahouka for short. I'm not going to say which "most" this show is, but you'll likely be able to guess as you read on. Some of you likely already know the legacy this show left behind and know exactly what to expect from my analysis. To you, I hope solace from the pain is found here. I haven't been so heated and passionate in a review since Sword Art Online, so that'll give you an idea.
So please, join me as we dive into a deep dark crevice. I promise there will be a light at the end of the tunnel - the final Retrospective review is waiting for us in the far reaches of an infinite universe. Let's dredge through this crap to break through to tomorrow. This is...The Irregular at Magic High School.
In the year 2095, in
a world where magic exists and is utilized as economic tech, Shiba siblings
Tatsuya and Miyuki are enrolling at Private Magic University Affiliated High
School (First High). In this school, course load and representation is
distributed via test scores. Miyuki is graded the highest honors and enters as
a Course 1 (Bloom) student, whereas her big brother Tatsuya's low practical
scores relegates him to the Course 2 (Weed) curriculum. But even with his lower
scale placement, Tatsuya has some peculiar quirks and a hidden intellect that
soon catches the eyes of those around him.
I don't usually get political when I talk about anime. I
don't like to talk politics or philosophy ANY time because I am uncultured,
unread swine who cannot place stock in such discourse without appearing to be
pretentious; using heightened discussion of democracy and socialism or whatever
government-system-of-the-day to feign intellectual relevance. Well I don't have
that, so I try to keep my talk down to subjective matters. The moment I start
speaking objectively, I worry that I haven't researched the topic in question
well enough and know for sure I'll have made a mistake someone will call me on
- and then I'll become mighty embarrassed. So I tend not to do it.
But today......today I have little choice, I'm throwing myself to the lions. Today's anime is
impossible to discuss without getting into some heavy philosophical bias rooted
in......some persons' realities. And I say to you now, that no matter what I
say in this review, I am not personally condemning anyone's
political/philosophical views. You may believe in whatever explanation of the
human socio-economic condition that you wish - I do not think less of you as a
person for sharing different beliefs. After all, it is your actions and how you
integrate your beliefs into carrying yourself and your relationships with those
around you which I will judge. These statements do not represent my choices or
the right of anyone else's. I am merely offering my unmitigated distaste for
the viewpoints of this particular work and how this philosophy injected into a
bad anime makes it even worse. Today, I am reviewing The Irregular at Magic High School, colloquially shortened to Mahouka, and this is......the worst
anime I have ever seen.
I debated at it for a long time, what could be considered my
'most hated anime'. It's not a flattering title to bestow upon anything, nor
one to tote. My criteria for something to be my favorite anime is long pondered
and well-defined: the greatest collaboration of heart, intellect, and
showmanship that satisfies my personal taste in animation. For just over a
decade, Fullmetal Alchemist has stood
unchallenged in this position. So what is my most hated - is it the exact
opposite, the ultimate dearth of all those properties? No, it can't be that
simple. When you remove all elements of quality for nothing, you have uninspiring,
tasteless, boring media. These are titles that do not deserve to be discussed
because there is zero merit, good or bad, in discussing them. So I decided what
would be my 'most hated anime': the anime that makes me the angriest. For
several years, that honor belonged to the food-based unorthodox battle anime Ben-To, but I soon became dissatisfied
with that choice. Once Mahouka
arrived in my life, my eyes were opened, and I gained new insight into what
exactly my 'most hated anime' was empirically meant to be, which I will reveal
to you by the end of this review. So! How is Mahouka the worst anime I've ever seen? LET ME COUNT THE WAYS~!
First, let's talk about why Mahouka is bad by everyday standards of anime bad. If I were to
compare Mahouka to one other crappy anime, what would it be.........I know it's
something airing right now......what was it......oh, hi, Sword Art Online! We
all know the legend of Kazuto Kirigaya aka Kirito aka Video Game Jesus, yes? Meet
his equal, Tatsuya Shiba aka Magic Jesus. Tatsuya is the genius child of the
Shiba family who chooses to attend First High magic school to uncover the
mysteries of magic engineering. He is aloof, modest, and un-confrontational to
the point of seeming practically emotionless, like a lazy calculator. But with
hidden talent and steely confidence in his magical prowess that draws in the
reigns of all who come into contact with him, Tatsuya is actually the picture
perfect definition of otaku wish fulfillment: constantly surrounded by adoring 'followers'
who loudly praise him while devaluing their own ability, a badass magic
engineer with skills never before seen by the likes of First High, why he's
even got a beautiful little sister who wants to fuck him.
Yes, yes he does, and what a little gem of a character
Miyuki Shiba is; possibly the most depressing 'little sis loves her big bro'
character I've ever seen. While Tatsuya is a specialized genius, Miyuki is an
all-rounder genius; scoring modest marks in practical and theoretical
applications of magic. This puts her in the Course 1 curriculum, while Tatsuya
is placed in Course 2 due to low practical marks (despite his greatness
described above). Tatsuya seems to care little about his placement, whereas
Miyuki takes exception to it. See, she values her brother more than anything,
even more than herself. When Miyuki receives accolades, there is no time to be
proud of herself. Rather, she must protest that her brother deserves the same treatment and more. No, it
goes deeper than that. Every thought, every action, every whim taken by this
character is prefaced by "What about onii-sama?" What would big
brother think? Big brother deserves this more than I do. I can't do this without
big brother's permission.
It is hypothetically impossible, in Miyuki's mind, that the
system which marked her brother lower in status than herself could be correct -
the truth must be that they just can't UNDERSTAND how great her brother is,
that THEY are the ones who are wrong. Her obsession is hampering, her system of
values toxic, and her self-esteem sunken like a rock as a result. And does
Tatsuya care? No. In fact he indirectly enforces his sister's harmful mindset
by never questioning it, never encouraging her to make friends, never telling
her that her unwavering devotion to him is hurting her devotion to herself.
When Miyuki latches on to her brother in ways that can only be seen as an
illicit relationship deeper than family, Tatsuya sees how happy this makes her
and accepts these actions as her happiness, regardless of the resulting
isolation this creates in her heart. Miyuki has grown up unable to open up to
anyone but her big brother and was not taught to fight against that isolated
affection. SHE IS SO UNAWARE HOW HARMFUL THIS IS TO HER PSYCHE THAT SHE THINKS
IT'S A GOOD THING. She is DYING inside yet she 100% believes she is filled with
life. That is how FUCKED beyond repair this character is.
I've seen many imouto characters that love their oniisans -
it's unfortunately very common in anime. But never have I seen one this
damaged. Okay, so Suguha's presence in SAO's Alfheim arc was a major contributor
to that arc's putridity. It was low bar writing that demonstratively pulled
down that series' quality. But as a character......I don't think something's
WRONG with her. Suguha's kinda ditzy and childish, but she doesn't hate
herself, and she doesn't pretend Kazuto is the sole source of happiness in her
life. I truly believe one day she'll move on and find new love - she'll get
over it. Miyuki is Suguha if she never grew out of her brotherly affection and
if Kazuto never openly reminded her of the taboo. It's like if one of the girls
from the final episode of Master of
Martial Hearts was reintroduced into society but was still just as broken
and twisted on the inside. None of this, by the way, is an assertion the series
makes, by the way. It would have you believe Tatsuya and Miyuki's relationship
of sibling love is healthy as fuck, which is just impossible to believe given
the way Miyuki carries herself. I do not see in her a happy little sister. I
see a broken child fooling herself into believing she is happy.
That's just the normal shit. If that's all I had to say,
Mahouka would merely be SAO-level bad, but oh no my friends. It is much, MUCH
worse. Now we arrive at the potentially controversial part of my review. Let's
talk......objectivism.
When I told you how Tatsuya is a wish-fulfillment
protagonist that can do no wrong, I was SEVERELY underselling just how far he
is written to be the epitome of that archetype. Our perfect protagonist is what
we call in the business world a plant, a scab - someone placed within a system
BY the system for the sole purpose of picking up the slack of its parts,
revolutionizing it in the process. Imagine a society where social status is decided
upon based on your ability to provide for others. In comes a benefactor who is
not good at providing for others but excels at providing for themselves. By the
law of that society, that person would be placed on a lower rung because their
skill is far too specialized to be of help in practical, economic needs.
Dissatisfied with this outcome, that person rejects the system of Marxist
collectivism and suggests that one's worth is measured by the strength of their
ability to act in their own rational self-interest, that all people have the
right to their own societal independence. In telling this scenario I have
accurately described two things. One, the plot synopsis for Mahouka. And two, the back story of John
Galt in Atlas Shrugged.
Atlas Shrugged, as
you probably know, is late author and philosopher Ayn Rand's magnum opus
contributing to her controversial statute of objectivism, which abhors
measuring mankind's worth in any context but that of his completely independent
contributions to a highly idealized free market. There is no written or spoken
proof of this that I know of, but I believe Mahouka's
author, Tsutomu Sato, is of a radical mind whom laces his works with his preferred
political ideologies. The similarities are too impeccable to be coincidence.
Who is John Galt? Why, it's Tatsuya Shiba, of course.
The world of Mahouka
exists in spite of Tatsuya; it exists to be destroyed by him. First High's
enrollment program runs on an imperfect, out-dated caste system that only
places students based on everyday functionality, disavowing specialized
skillsets. This flawed system only exists so Tatsuya can waltz in and challenge
its imperfection; he is the irregular challenging the norm. A biased, shining
example of everything the system could be and better. Every rule promoting an
ideal of an imperfect society exists to be broken by Tatsuya. The student
council is traditionally made up of Course 1 students only - Tatsuya becomes
the first Course 2 student in history to become a member. The Bloom/Weed caste
system is so intolerant and exclusionary that any wise official would have
abolished it years ago, placing students equally in classes of varying
difficulty based upon their collective aptitude and offering faculty privileges
based on individual merit, not as a blanket pass. Yet it persists, all so Tatsuya,
Miyuki, and their band of merry men can reject it and prove how 'progressive'
they are.
Another factoid of the Mahouka
universe is the Ten Master Clans - ten influential families representative of
the greatest magicians in the world. Though their last name is Shiba, Tatsuya
and Miyuki are actually children of the Yotsuba Family, who are considered to
be the top of prestige out of all the Clans. When you're talking objectivism,
there's the added stipulation that basing worth entirely on self-interest means
one must accept that some people are naturally of higher or lower status than
others, and that there is NO way for that status to change. You are born on a
high rung or born on a low rung. Objectivism claims that one's reality is
separate from one's existence - their success in life depends only on how well
they are able to perceive the reality of their social standing. And this is a
belief Mahouka integrates very
strongly! Almost every main character, not just Tatsuya and Miyuki, but nearly
all of their classmates who make up their group of close friends, all of them
are members of Master Clans. Here you have a story that is claiming to fight
against discrimination by unfair social assignment, being perpetrated by people
who were born high class and had all of their skills in magic handed down to
them; effortless inherited skill which somehow manages to outperform and one up
the system 100% of the time. These are kids going to high school, still
learning, and yet they frequently take matters of criminal activity into their
own hands, beating the police to the chase and completely shaming them in the
ways of magic. Grown-ass adults who worked hard for years and years to gain
their place in society, totally shown up by children who had all their skill
handed to them on a platter. Do you see what's wrong with this picture?
And here's the thing - Mahouka
isn't really fighting for revolution in the wholesome way that benefits all
people. It only rallies the troops in so far as it matters to high class
individuals being treated like low class, I.E. Tatsuya. His sister and friends
fight for him to receive the representation he deserves, but he himself doesn't
really want to overthrow the Bloom/Weed system. In fact, he sees merit in it,
in that it helps define a barrier between those with varying levels of
self-reliance and worth. Tatsuya has no reason to fight for a revolution
because he has no emotion to give to one, literally. Tatsuya literally had most
emotions extracted from him at a young age in exchange for his technical genius
and ability to see magic sequences. The only thing he cares about is his and
his sister's happiness.
In true objectivist fashion, Tatsuya's method of helping
others is not to aid them when they are in need, but to reveal to them why they
were wrong about what was hurting them in the first place - that the system in
place does not apply to their true self-interest. What this really means is Mahouka promotes victim blaming, as
illustrated in the first story arc of the series where a character who believes
they were discriminated against for being a Course 2 student was brainwashed by
the arc's bad-guy to make them THINK they were discriminated against but really
weren't. Mahouka ignores the real
cases of class discrimination and deflects their importance by highlighting a
case where it was completely fabricated. The real villain wasn't the
perpetrator, it was the victim's own ignorance and self-doubt. So remember, all
you minorities out there. Next time someone devalues you as a person for your
appearance or status, it's ok. Most likely you were totally wrong and only
imagined they were insulting you. Because you're stupid! Why can't you be more
like this upstanding citizen who is so self-accomplished that HE knows no-one
would ever dare talk down to him. All you have to do is be like him! IT'S SO
EASY. IT'S SO STUPID. FUCK THIS OBJECTIVIST CRAP. THIS SERIES IS VILE,
DISGUSTING. IT LAUDS THE STRONG AND VILLIFIES THE WEAK. IT PROMOTES UNHEALTHY HERO
WORSHIP AND INCEST, REWARDS NATURAL TALENT OVER HARD WORK, PROTESTS INEQUALITY
FROM A POSITION OF SMUG ELITISM, AND BLAMES VICTIMS WHILE IGNORING THE REAL
ISSUES. FUCK. THIS. SHOW.
...*sigh*......and if that weren't enough......if THAT
weren't enough......I'm pretty sure Tsutomu Sato is a xenophobe. You are quick
to realize in watching Mahouka that
Japan is the #1 magic power in the world (all of the Master Clans are Japanese),
and in the three story arcs the anime covers, all of the villains are foreign
terrorists. Specifically, Chinese terrorists, who for some reason have nothing
better to do than attack Japanese high schools (the in-universe reason is
usually that they are trying to steal national secrets as First High is one of
the prime centers for magic research in the world, but they do a poor job of
rationalizing it). This is also a show that doesn't try to create moral grays
between warring parties - if you're a terrorist, you're pure evil, no debate
required. This is a show where you feel bad for the terrorists because the
'good guys' launch a full scale assault on their base before they OR the viewer
know what they even want. And when we do know what they want, it seems a trifle.
The second arc is a nation-wide school tournament, and the bad guys are Chinese
gangsters trying to sabotage it because......they're bored? I honestly don't
remember if they ever explained why they were there other than to be
transparently evil foreigners. So Tsutomu has some beef with the Chinese, and
chooses to depict them all as blood-thirsty terrorists in his story. I
just......what else can I say about this shit to convince you?
Now after I have summarily proven why Mahouka is utter shit poop, unless you have a different opinion and
think all this sounds great, you must be thinking, "Wow, this sounds like
a whole 'nother level of bad! This might be an entertaining and educational
hatewatch!" NO. NO. It is not! And you know why? I'll tell you why! On top
of it carrying the worst of otaku tropes, and on top of it ham-fistedly
revolving around the author's toxic belief in objectivism and xenophobia, on
top of ALL that:
MAHOUKA.
IS.
BORING.
You heard me right: boring! This may be one of THE worst
LN-to-anime adaptations in history, because it moves at a snail's pace! Not
only that, but the wealth of content in this show, as it pertains to magic, is
delivered so intrusively. If I could struggle to say ANY good things about Mahouka, it would be that the animation
by Madhouse doesn't look like total shit, Taku Iwasaki's music is fine, and the
magic system is actually quite interesting. Unlike traditional magic systems
using wands or fancy hand gestures, Mahouka
presents a post-Steve Jobs micro-management world where magic spells are
programmed into tech apparatuses called CADs. Magic casting is streamlined in a
way that allows for easy added functionality and future proofing new
innovations - it's actually pretty neat.
Too bad the story ruins it by stopping the action to slowly explain
every single explanation behind every single magic spell, breaking the flow and
pulling you out of the moment. A good magic show just performs the magic and
lets you deduce how it works based on what you see - we don't need a
dissertation every time! But Mahouka
strives to be for nerds, so it has to painstakingly examine every detail in too
much detail.
And the pacing, ohhhh the pacing. Mix slow pacing with a
main character who is humorless and Vulcan
levels of 'logical' and you've got a recipe for boredom soufflé. Remember that
tournament arc I mentioned above? A tournament should be fun, challenging, an
opportunity to evaluate individual skill like this series has been wanting to
do. But Mahouka's take on a
tournament is as joyless as you can get - most of the time is spent in-between
matches discussing First High's win/loss ratio. Assuring a victory in any
single event is just a means to winning enough events to steal first place
overall. They actually strategize what
placing is necessary in each event to guarantee a maintained lead, nevermind
the personal feelings of the participant who has put their blood sweat and
tears into this ONE event. The student council mediate the tournament from the
shadows like a cabal of generals going to war, the student body their
disposable soldiers. But don't get your hopes up - I made that sound more engaging
than it actually is. It's directed visually like a summit for corporate
officials.
If you thought THAT was exciting, then hold on to your hats;
the third arc is a SCIENCE FAIR. Be still my heart! And I'm sure there are
nerds that eat this stuff up, and I can understand that......as a book. As a TV
show, it's just too technical for its own good. With this kind of material, you
need to either spice it up to connect with your current generation of ADD
audiences or don't adapt it at all. This is when I finally realized it - the
criteria for my least favorite anime of all time. It not only must be the show
that makes me the angriest, but it must also have no reason to exist in
animated form by proof of its content.
...I suppose I can't stop you, so if you REALLY want to, you can currently find all subbed episodes of The Irregular at Magic High School streaming online courtesy of Crunchyroll. It has not been licensed for a Western release at this time.
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